I got my ears pierced today.
Ow.
Yay.
Owee.

He is the only white person who can look epic in grills, knee high socks, and a kilt.

OMFG
In "Hothead", when Eustace is being asked questions over the intercom, the voice says, "WHAT IS 414 DIVIDED BY 6?!" I calculated it, and the answer is 69.
Awesome.

We've all been there. You have just gone to a certain place, at a certain time on a certain date, done a special thing and the thing you suspected would happen has just fucking happened, not to mention the fact that you've just seen whatever the fuck it is that lives in your mirror, been told in detail how you're going to die, and the highly demonic and invincible thing you summoned is heading towards you.
Also, your family are all dead, your friends are all missing and you're being framed by someone with access to your bedroom. What the fuck do you do now, sweet protagonist?

Well, you've come to the right place to find out: These are the simple rules one must follow in order to firstly, not become the victim of creepypasta and furthermore, to come out kicking if the worst does happen. With the help of this guide you too can be the catatonic, traumatised wreck as opposed to the guy currently being worn as a coat by some dude who roams a lot. Just keep these simple rules in mind...

1. Mirrors and darkness don't mix.
2. Actually mirrors are a general "NO", in creepypasta world, there is nothing more sinister.
3. There is zero chance of survival if you look the thing that no one else can see or answer it's question incorrectly.
4. If you are alone at night in a creepy mental institution,take some time to consider what the fuck are you doing there, then, if it is appropriate to do so, leave.
5. Avoid going to places where everyone else who went there never came back or died inexplicably.
6. If someone stops your vehicle at night and asks to come with you, it would probably be in your best interests to politely decline.
7. Killing is the last method of survival, use it sparingly but without fear.
8. WHO WAS PHONE is always a good thing to ponder. Also who the hell answers a phone while kissing a dead persons sexy daughter. A douche is who.
9. Get a simple .38 revolver. Load it with 2 silver bullets. If you really feel there is no chance to come alive out of a situation, take one shot at whatever's threatening you. If this doesn't work, you still have the last shot to become an hero with.
10. Area 51 is simply too well guarded to let you get in. Or to let any alien out.
11. When going to a hotel, try to steer clear of unauthorized areas. If you couldn't resist but you saw a red thing, take some time to consider the price range and hotel standard on your next visit. Have you ever stayed at a haunted Hilton?
12. When booking your hotel stay, Trip Advisor can be an invaluable tool in deeming whether your choice is the scene of a multiple murder/full of dead people/built at the mouth of hell. Local newspapers can also be helpful.
13. Invoking demons, speaking weird languages and performing rituals of any kind is considered dangerous. Refrain from doing that, especially around Abandoned Warehouses, Churches, Psychiatric Institutions, Forests and your house in front of a mirror at night.
14. When going to a new area, environmental understanding is a key to survival. Ask around for cursed places, legends, dangers and other details. Listen to the local peoples' advice, and don't be afraid to ask if you're unsure of which attacks/disappearances are paranormal and which aren't.
15. Always have a Bible next to your bed. Provides average reading material, proof of beliefs and a really heavy object to throw at enemies.
16. Don't count on Holy Water. Get a sturdy vial of Sulfuric Acid and let a priest Consecrate it.
17. Japanese priests cleanse rooms by waving katana swords around. Their ritual is 100% effective on corporeal forms.
18. If you find 666 messages on your phone, mailbox, email, etc consider changing the said service provider. Also don't bother listening /reading the messages. It's spam. Extra dimensional, possibly, but spam nevertheless.
19. Old pharmaceutical companies cant help you. Unless you specifically need "Blood Of The Innocent", "Snake Oil", and "Radioactive Syrup". Which is never.
20. If you need to sign it in blood, you do not need to sign it. All mainstream governing bodies will accept contracts signed in ink, bear this in mind if offered deals that seem too good to be true.
21. Lighthouses are dangerous. Avoid them at all costs. If you work at a Lighthouse consider a career in Insurance Sales, or Veterinary Care.
22. There is simply no reason to listen to music that causes suicidal tendencies, or to watch films that have had strange/disastrous consequences..
23. If you like to plan ahead and have some money, buy your auntie and uncle a house in Bel-Air. Nothing can harm you there no matter how scared your mother is.
24. Secret secluded untouched places in old buildings are left untouched for a reason. Pioneers never say "die" but in fact they do have an unusually high mortality rate.
25. Before you start swimming in the ice-cold waters of a murky lake at the center of a dark forest at midnight, ask yourself, do you really want to travel to an ancient and terrifying city? If the answer is "no," then stay at home instead, and watch whatever quality programming is available on Cinemax.
26. On your 33rd birthday try celebrating in a well lit house with the company of others.
27. Refrain from using the One True Name for anything, there is probably a reason people gave it a nick.
28. Watching TV static for long periods may be hazardous to your health, try satelite TV to combat this problem.
29. Get a cat. Those furry little hairballs seem to perceive unnatural phenomena better than us, and if desperate, simply throw it at whatever is about to get you.
30. Cemeteries are bad places, especially in foggy conditions and on halloween.
31. Try not to close your eyes, ever. If you must, do so only briefly.
32. If you hear chanting, run until you are out of earshot.
33. If you are too old to play with dolls, you do not need to be anywhere near one of the creepy little fuckers.
34. Legends can offer valuable insight of where not to go camping with friends.
35. When babysitting, ascertain the family's tastes and preferences, to avoid being killed by poorly selected statues.
36. Even if you are certain that running will not save you, it is always best to try.

Follow these simple rules and little (or massive) harm may befall you. Either way, the important thing is to make sure your tale is told, copied, and pasted repeatedly.

I'm sick on the first week of school. Fan-fucking-tastic.

Well, actually, the thread got deletedbut I made PEEEEEEACE!

They just don't get that they can be permabanned for what they're doing. I honestly hope we get in a war with them, just to see them get pwned. :3

Have you ever gotten the feeling that you kill every thread you post in, or is it just me?
...
It's just me, I guess.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Official messages from Omegle will not be sent with the label 'Stranger:'. Strangers claiming to represent Omegle are lying.
You: Good afternoon, sir. Could we interest you into some...Chocolate?
Stranger: what kind of chocolate?
You: Nuts or original.
Stranger: drinking chocolate or chocolate bar
You: Bar.
Stranger: yes pelase
You: OK, how many?
Stranger: 98345679876543345678909876543456789000
You: OK, that'll be...$5.
Stranger: oh :(
Stranger: i has no dolla
You: OK, an arm and a leg, please.
Stranger: i'm in england see
You: Oh, ok.
You: The equivalent of $5.
You: In pounds.
You: PLEEEASE.
Stranger: £3.20
You: OK.
Stranger: -hands it over-
You: *takes money and runs*
You have disconnected.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Official messages from Omegle will not be sent with the label 'Stranger:'. Strangers claiming to represent Omegle are lying.
Stranger: my body is read
Stranger: y
You: ...
Stranger: go on
Stranger: i'm dying to find uot what you wanna say
You: I will not cyber with you. But would you be interested in some...cocaine?
Stranger: ffffuuuu0
Stranger: no
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Official messages from Omegle will not be sent with the label 'Stranger:'. Strangers claiming to represent Omegle are lying.
You: We need to talk about our relationship.
Stranger: what is it honey
You: I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST NIGHT
You: YOU SLEPT WITH MY FATHER.
Stranger: i only sucked his dick cuz he payed me
You: Why didn't you tell me? We could've had a threesome.
You: It would've been HAWT
Stranger: U NEVER APPRECIATE MY COOKING ASSHOLE!!!!!!!!
You: SHADDAP AND GO MAKE ME A SAMMICH
Stranger: ok crust or no crust???
You: No crust, please.
Stranger: comin right up....
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Official messages from Omegle will not be sent with the label 'Stranger:'. Strangers claiming to represent Omegle are lying.
Stranger: Will you be my best friend?
Stranger: :o
You: Suure
You: What kind of best friend?
Stranger: Like,
Stranger: Best friend friend. :o
Stranger: we have to tell each other secretss.
You: :/
You: OOK, you first.
Stranger: :o
Stranger: K,
Stranger: i LOVEE chocolatee.
Stranger: :D
You: I kill people and keep their heads in my secret box.
You: :D
Stranger: ...
Stranger: Can i see the secret box?
Stranger: :o
You: NO
Stranger: do you dry out the heads? they become reallyyy small,
Stranger: maybe the size of a palm.
You: Nope, I keep them full size
Stranger: :o
You: I embalm them
Stranger: how big is your secret box?
Stranger: :/
You: so they NEEEEVEEERRR ROOOOT
You: It's about the size of a fridge box.
Stranger: ;o
Stranger: i want to seee,
Stranger: pleaaassseee?
Stranger: for your best friendd?
Stranger: D:
You: NO. YOU MUST NEVER FIND OUT
Stranger: :o
You: *stab stab stab*
You: *cut*
You: *embalm*
You: You are now part of my collection. :3
You have disconnected.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Official messages from Omegle will not be sent with the label 'Stranger:'. Strangers claiming to represent Omegle are lying.
Stranger: hello.
You: Hiiiiii.
Stranger: how do you do?
You: Hiiiii.
Stranger: ....
You: HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII.
You: FIND THE L.
You: IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIlII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIi
Stranger: ...
Stranger: sobriety is good.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Official messages from Omegle will not be sent with the label 'Stranger:'. Strangers claiming to represent Omegle are lying.
Stranger: PARKER! GET IN MY OFFICE NOW!
You: YES SIR
Stranger: I NEED PICTURES OF SPIDERMAN
You: YES SIR, RIGHT HERE SIR
Stranger: THE FRONT PAGE DOESN'T MAKE IT SELF YOU KNOW
Stranger: LEMME SEE THOSE
Stranger: CRAP
You: *hands over*
Stranger: CRAP
Stranger: CRAP
Stranger: MEGA CRAP
Stranger: YOU'RE FIRED
You: I'm sorry sir.
You: I PROMISE
Stranger: ILL GIVE YOU $50 FOR ALL OF THEM
Stranger: TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT PARKER
You: Oh, thank you!
You: THANK YOU SIR
Stranger: NOW GET OUT OF MY FACE BEFORE I PUKE
You: YES SIR
Stranger: YOU DISGUST ME
You: I DISGUST ME, TOO
Stranger: thanks for playing along
Stranger: gnight
You: :D
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Official messages from Omegle will not be sent with the label 'Stranger:'. Strangers claiming to represent Omegle are lying.
You: Want some candy?
Stranger: hey! my name is sara and i just turned 18 and I am about to do my first webcam. I want as many people to see me get completely naked for my first time
Stranger: My webcam is http://videochat4singles.com/hotnwild5 21 Do you think I'm hot?
Stranger: oh shit the webcam just started
You: YOU are a slut. Go kill yourself.
Stranger: srry, i have to get off Omegle... i'm gonna start now. see if you can join asap
You: Idiot.
You: You are an ugly whore and deserve to DIE.
You: If you have to get off Omegle, get the fuck off, bitch.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Official messages from Omegle will not be sent with the label 'Stranger:'. Strangers claiming to represent Omegle are lying.
You: PARKER, IN MY OFFICE, NOW!
Stranger: sorry, sir
You: I WANT PICTURES OF SPIDERMAN, PARKER!
Stranger: i AM spiderman!
You: THE FRONT PAGE DOESN'T MAKE ITSELF, YOU KNOW.
Stranger: sorry, sir. it won't happen again, sir
You: Gimme those pictures...
Stranger: can it be a picture of a dingo?
You: *snatch*
Stranger: everybody likes dingos
You: Crap
You: Crap
Stranger: except babies
You: Crap
Stranger: crap, sir?
You: Double crap
Stranger: crap crap
You: I'll give you $50 for all of 'em.
Stranger: For the dingos? You must really like dingos
Stranger: But, who doesn't?
You: I hate dingos.
Stranger: They will eat your baby...watch out
You: And we're in THE MIDDLE OF NEW FUCKING YORK.
You: HOW DID YOU GET PICTURES OF DINGOS, PARKER?!
Stranger: DINGOS DON'T CARE
You: YOU'RE FIRED!
Stranger: i AM a dingo
Stranger: DON'T FIRE ME
Stranger: I LOVE YOU!
You: ...
Stranger: It's true
You: Get out of my office. You disgust me.
Stranger: Well that's a bit rude
You: GET OUT...of my fucking office.
Stranger: You disgust me too, you know
You: YOU ARE FIRED, PARKER.
Stranger: YOU BASTARD
You: FIRED
Stranger: ICED
You: GO BACK TO YOUR UNCLE! Oh that's right...he's dead.
Stranger: WELL, I PROBABLY SHOULDN'T HAVE LET THAT ROBBER GUY GET OUT OF THE ELEVATOR, BUT...
You: You PUSSY!
Stranger: That's a lie
You: YOU COULD'VE SAVED YOUR UNCLE'S LIFE>
Stranger: YEAH, BUT I DIDN'T
You: BUT YOU HAD TO LET HIM GO
Stranger: IT WAS AN ACCIDENT
Stranger: HEY, I WASN'T THE ONE WHO SHOT THE GUN, OKAY?
You: BECAUSE YOU WERE TOO MUCH OF A PUSSY TO STOP HIM.
Stranger: OR I WAS JUST BEING BAD ASS
You: YOU. ARE. FIRED. GET OUT OF MY OFFICE, PARKER!
Stranger: FINE, I'LL GET OUT, IF YOU WANT
You: I'll call the cops!!
Stranger: I AM the cops
You: DIALING THE COPS RIGHT NOW, RIGHT NOW
Stranger: DO IT, SEE IF I CARE
You: OH, SO CLOSE TO THE LAST-- YOU BITCH
Stranger: DO IT
Stranger: I DARE YOU
You: 911, I GOT A CRAZY MAN IN MY OFFICE
You: HE THINKS HE'S SPIDERMAN!
Stranger: SHE IS SPIDERMAN
Stranger: /WOMAN
Stranger: OR A DINGO
Stranger: SOMETHING LIKE THAT
You: IM A WOMAN TOO, BITCH
Stranger: AND A VERY RUDE ONE, FIRING ME AND WHATNOT
You: Well, a 13 year old girl, either way. :3
Stranger: Oh dear
You: Hahahaha
Stranger: Wash your mouth out with soap, would you?

In a week, my cable will be no more. What the fuck. This is shit. I don't want a fucking satellite on my roof. I don't want the channel numbers to change. I'll lose all the shows I have on my DVR. What. THE. FUCK.